I have worked in banking for almost 5 years. It has amazed me how many people do not keep track of what they deposit vs. what they spend. There seems to be no concept of spending less then you make. An 89 year old gentleman sat down at my desk one day. He realized that his funds were rapidly depleting. He asked me what to do."Well more money is going out of your account then going in", I commented. "You are going to have to do one of two things, bring in more or spend less". Almost offended he replied, "I'm not going to change my spending habits. You can't make me."
While this is both comical and sad (mostly the later), this is what I have been doing in my personal life. I have been making constant withdrawals from my emotional, spiritual and physical health with little to no deposits. This leaves me one place... in the negative. Some things happened recently that made me reevaluate my career path. While doing this and seeking God's face, he showed me something.... I have nothing left to give. I was exhausted and depleted. In seeking to move up the corporate ladder, I had taken constant withdrawals for 5 years. I found myself trying to overcompensate with my children because I felt so guilty that I had nothing for them. Vacations were spent exhausting myself so I could show them that I do still love them. Physically I had gained 30 pounds and couldn't get it off. I would try to kill myself working out at 9 o'clock at night (the only time I had left available) with an extreme workout program because I hated myself so much. I might be able to do this for a month at a time until I finally crashed. When this happened, I would have to sleep constantly for another month to 6 weeks. My body wasn't shedding any weight and I had constant infections.. even unusual ones such as staph and shingles. Spiritually, I was trying to lead children at church when I had little time with God myself. I realized it was time for a change. In one of my favorite new books, 48 Days to the Work You Love, Dan Miller states that the definition of insanity is always doing the same thing and yet, somehow, expecting different results. That is what I have been doing. It was always going to get better when......
In the beginning of December I took a step in the direction that I felt the Holy Spirit was leading. I submitted my resignation. As of January 1, 2011 I will be preforming the full time job that God has called me to, being a mom. I have peace that I have not felt in an exceptionally long period of time. Although this step seems crazy and radical to many, it is not the many that I am here to please, take care of and minister to. Starting January 1, I will be making deposits again, and I couldn't be more excited.
www.48days.com
